Saturday, April 18, 2015

Job Posting -- Looking For An "Adopted Mom"

I am turning 40 years old next week. And for my birthday, I want a mom.

My mom died of leukemia when I was a baby. And my stepmom, who has been my mother since I was 3 years old, is in a nursing home suffering from the late stages of fronto-temporal dementia. I haven't been able to carry on a conversation with her in years. We don't know how much longer she has left.

So, what I am looking for is a psuedo-mom. Someone who will adopt me as their daughter and who can do the following:
  • Be a life coach - always cheer me on and tell me what to do so I can be a success

  • Bring me deliciously prepared meals, snacks and treats that I can eat with these darn food sensitivities. I can barely feed myself because of my limitations, but my psuedo-mom will have a June Cleaver attitude and make it look perfectly easy, with a beautiful smile on her face.
  • Shoulder to cry on whenever I need it. Turning 40 is a big deal. I haven't accomplished nearly all that I wanted to accomplish, so I am freaking out a bit here. And what about when I am stressed out? I need a non-judgmental person to listen to me!
  • Must think I am amazing, smart and can do no wrong. Or just love me unconditionally anyway
  • When I am sick, she will be able to read my mind and know exactly what I need. She also will know that I rarely ask for things so she just comes and does them. This includes cleaning my house and running errands!
  • She has to love animals

Compensation will be in the form of gratitude and blessings. What more is there, anyway?

 To apply, you can come down my chimney like Mary Poppins. I will be expecting you.

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